


Heartstrings and Infinity

by wordsarelifealways



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Baby Claire Novak, Cas and Dean tackle parenthood, M/M, Married Castiel/Dean Winchester, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Professor Castiel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 19:28:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18723466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsarelifealways/pseuds/wordsarelifealways
Summary: After the sudden death of his twin, Castiel makes good on his promise and takes in his infant niece. As well as coping with the loss of his twin Castiel now has to navigate parenthood and work with Dean to reshape their lives around Claire. Totally manageable, right?Right???





	Heartstrings and Infinity

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I'm writing Destiel again whooooo boy it feels strange but this also flowed so naturally??? so here we go again! I've had this idea stuck in my head for a while, so it's mostly being written for me but I hope you guys will enjoy it too!
> 
> Title is from Terri Guillemets' quote "those we love and lose are always connected by heartstrings into infinity".

The call came just after 11.30 at night.  Cas woke up to Dean shoving his phone into his face, grunting something about _answering your damn phone_ , and before he could even fully open his eyes a voice was coming from his speakers.

“-stiel Novak?” It was a woman’s voice, and not one that his sleep addled voice could recognise.  He fumbled with his phone until he could get it nearer his ear and propped himself up on an elbow.

“Yes, this is Castiel Novak.” He mumbled into the phone as he tried to rub his eyes awake on his shoulders.

“I’m a nurse at Mercy Hospital; I’m calling because you’re listed as James Novak’s next of kin.” At that Castiel stopped rubbing his eyes and he sat up straight, reaching out and shaking Dean’s shoulder.

“Jimmy’s my twin.  What’s happened?” He didn’t need the nurse to tell him.  The cold feeling in his chest already told him what he needed to know.

“What’s going on?” Dean mumbled from somewhere next to him.  Cas glanced over at Dean’s side of the bed and whatever expression was on his face was enough to make Dean sit up too.  “Cas?” He whispered before leaning over and flicking on the lamp on Castiel’s side table.

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but your brother was involved in a road traffic collision.  His car was hit head on; he and his wife both died on impact.  If it’s any comfort: he didn’t suffer.” Cas shoved the phone away from his ear like it was on fire, and Dean – with his damn sportsman reflexes – caught it before it bounced off their bed.

The coldness in his chest wouldn’t leave, but with that confirmation his lungs felt like someone was squeezing all the air out of them like he was just a stress ball for some higher power.  He could hear his blood in his ears and he was uncomfortably aware of the way his heart was beating in his chest, but all he could think about was the growing void he could feel beneath his ribs.

He and Jimmy might not have been the closest of family, but there had never been any denying the bond they had as twins.  Without Jimmy tethering the other end of that connection Cas felt like a part of him was lost; scattered back out to the universe and leaving him bereft.

“Cas, hey, _Cas_!” Dean was shaking him.  And saying his name.  And trying to talk to him, but all Cas could hear was the thumping of his heart.  Their mother had always said he and Jimmy’s hearts would always be in sync; where did that leave him now?

“Come on, I know you’re in there.” An arm wound its way around Castiel’s shoulders and – like muscle memory – he melted into them.  Dean had been his rock since they were teenagers; trusting him when he was vulnerable was as natural as breathing.

“Jimmy’s dead.” Cas had no idea where he found his voice, but the words came out regardless.

It felt like shredding his heart to say it; as if speaking it aloud made it an irreversible fact and sealed Jimmy and Amelia’s fates.

“I know; I talked to the nurse.” Dean whispered.  Cas’ heart clenched all over again, forcing him to hunch in on himself to try to contain the pain.

“I’m so sorry, Cas.  I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling.” Dean was right there: rubbing his back and kissing his hair, but Cas could hardly feel it.  “Whatever you need, babe, I’ll do it.  Anything.  Anything at all.” Dean promised.

Just like he always promised.

Castiel would never cease to be amazed by the depths of his husband’s heart.

“Jimmy…and Amelia…they’re both gone.” It wasn’t right.  It wasn’t _fair_.

“I know.” Dean pulled him closer and Cas was too dazed to resist.  He let himself be draped across Dean’s chest while Dean settled against the headboard, trying to adjust around the hole inside of his chest.

“Cas, I asked the nurse about Claire.” Dean was trying to be gentle, but hearing Claire’s name was the metaphorical slap across the face that Cas needed to break out of his shock.

“Oh my god, she wasn’t in the car, _tell me_ she wasn’t in the car-”

“No, no, she wasn’t in the car.” Dean cut him off and Cas almost crumbled into tears right then.  Losing his brother and sister-in-law was one thing, but the thought of his sweet niece having her life cut short before she even turned one was unbearable.

“The nurse actually didn’t know they had a kid, so she’s sending a social worker over to the house.” Dean continued.

“They were probably heading home from a date night.” Cas realised as he stared at the clock on his phone.  “Who will pay the baby sitter?” That, stupidly enough, was the thought that tipped him over the edge.  He hid his face in the familiar fabric of the ACDC shirt, that they both argued was their own, and cried.  His whole body shook and he could hardly breathe, could hardly _think_ , until blissful numbness washed over him.

“I’ve got you; I’ve got you.” Dean was whispering, rocking Cas back and forth like his was a child.

“I- I have to get Claire.” Cas couldn’t stop shaking even as the fog started to clear from his mind.

“No, _we_ have to get Claire.  We _both_ promised Jimmy and Amelia we’d look after Claire if anything happened to them.  We’re married; where you go, I go.  Besides, did you really think I’d let you go all that way and deal with all that _alone_?” Dean raised an eyebrow at him, wiping his thumb across Castiel’s cheek and smearing away the last of the tears suspended on his skin.

“Will the garage manage without you for that long?” Cas knew how much Dean prided himself on running his business and still being hands on; he didn’t want to set Dean back by having him away from work for too long.

“The boys know what they’re doing.  I trust them not to burn the place down in the two weeks we’ll be gone.  And even if they do, we’re insured.” Cas envied Dean’s ability to always be able to find humour in things, even if he knew it came from a damaged place.

“I can email the principal and take bereavement leave.” Cas didn’t really want to think about that right now.  Eventually he would have to tell people that his brother – his _twin_ – had died.  It felt like a huge part of his identity had shifted with the physical loss of Jimmy.  Could you still be a twin when your twin was no longer there?

His heart seized in his chest again, but this time Cas forced himself to breathe.  He couldn’t afford to fall apart now; not when he had a job to do.  Possibly the most _important_ job he would ever do.

“Let’s go get our niece.”

**Author's Note:**

> THOUGHTS????
> 
> if you want to find me on tumblr my Supernatural blog is [here](http://angelcastielnovak.tumblr.com) and my main blog is [here](http://matteoswhitejumper.tumblr.com) (it's mostly Druck/Skam/cats)
> 
> it feels super surreal to be writing Destiel again, but I'm excited to fall into this AU tbh


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